Dear Daughters

Dear Daughters

Down the road, your friendships will probably seem like the most important thing in the world to you. Your family life will probably take a backseat to your social life, and the opinions of your friends will likely carry more weight than the opinions of your family. There seems to be a misunderstanding about what friends are these days. The term Frenemy is a real thing. The plight of mean girls is terrifying to me. The idea of ‘friends’ crushing you by withholding friendship or being cruel to you, makes me want go Ninja-Mommy on these future friends. Obviously, I’m not allowed to do that, but those that know me, know that I have a super-strength momma bear side to me. Just ask my family. I don’t care who you are, if you mess with my girls, you will deal with me. I almost feel bad for the kids down the road that mess with you.

I would much rather, however, prefer you choose your friends carefully, and with a grain of salt, than choosing friends based on popularity. The reality is, for me anyways, that very few of these kids will make it into a substantial place in your future. Likely, you will lose touch with most of them before you’ve reached twenty. The number of friends I have from high school? Two. And I see them two to three times a year. My closest friends live on the other side of the world, the other side of the country, or have just entered my life since becoming a mom. I can count on my two hands those who make the cut. It’s my own doing to be sure because friends have the ability to hurt you. Badly…. And I’ve been hurt.

It’s the ‘friend’ that dates your ex boyfriend less than a week after he dumped you. It’s the ‘friend’ who dumps you for having an opinion they don’t like. It’s the ‘friends’ who judge you for dating a boy they don’t like, or tease you for cutting you hair into a short bob. It’s the ‘friend’ who chooses sides when you break it off with your high school sweet heart, and it’s not your side. Its ‘friends’ that give you horrible nick names that stick around the whole school year. All this happened to me, and thankfully it was before the internet and social media took things to a whole new level.

My friendships have mostly, always been temporary. As soon as I get a taste for the real person, I’m usually quick to move on. Life is too short to waste it fostering friendships with people that don’t understand or deserve you. I have found it safer in my life to be alone than to be around people who aren’t genuinely my friends. It can be lonely, but loneliness hurts less than betrayal in my opinion, which is why I ask you to consider your friendships carefully. The true friendships I have are incredibly cherished by me, because I understand what a rarity they are. Popularity is fleeting, but true friendship is priceless.

Please remember, that it’s important to be a good friend. That means being kind and considerate. It’s being empathetic as well as being supportive and encouraging. It’s listening instead of talking, and being inclusive instead of exclusive. It also means saying no when someone treats you poorly, or tries to convince you to make bad decisions. It’s being thoughtful about what you say and how it impacts others. It's means being comfortable being yourself, without pretending to be someone who you are not. 

I pray that you will have a few happy, healthy friendships as you grow, but you’re already luckier than most, as you each have a sister, who will forever be your best friend. For that, you are eternally blessed. xo